i will always love you, syara

MIMIE SYARA
MY DEAR BELOVED COUSIN
BORN ON 23rd APRIL 1995
RETURNED TO ALLAH ON 10th APRIL 2010

you were such a hardworking girl
even though you were not that clever,
you never gave up and kept on going.
you wanted to go to university
and you wanted me to teach you english.

mimie syara,
we were always together along with Hanini Durrah
even though durrah was a year younger,
we were always together through thick and thin.
there wasn't a time when we fought
you were always the peacemaker among us three.
we loved you like a twin sister.

i remember the time when we were flower girls for kak yuli's marriage.
i was in the middle with you on my right and durrah on my left.
we were walking slowly up the hill with the others behind us,
and we were murmuring to each other
"Wei, lambat mana kitorang nak naik atas ni? kalah dengan siput tau tak???"

i remember the time when we were in Bang Cici's room.
we were lying on the bed and gossipping about our lives.
we shared our stories and started to talk about our crushes.

i remember the time when we were about 9 years old
durrah maybe 8
it was at raya, and the others tengah berzikir
we were on the swing with azim, shafiq, syamim, azhan, haziq and everyone else who were crazilly immature.
and we started to sing
'Balik kampung!!! Oooh~ Balik kampung!!! Oooh~ Balik kampung'
until Pak Long and Pak Uda came out and scolded us.
then we were quiet but giggled over what happened.

i remember pak uda trying to show us magic with m&n sweets
one minute it's in his hands
the other, it's gone.
padahal, he threw it in his mouth to eat,
but he denied it.
so we were trying to open his mouth which was shut
in the end, he opened it and showed it to us
pak uda: 'tengok! tak de pun. kan pak uda kata tak de'
kitorang: 'memanglah! sebab pak uda dah makan!!!'

i remember the time when we were at Tok Usu's house
we took care of her and Atok Usu
we played with the goose who wanted to peck our hands
then durrah and i fought over something
durrah was on top of the bed,
i was under it
durrah was facing the wall while crossing her arm,
i was on the floor drawing things with my fingers
syara, you were the one who told us to become friends again
you went to durrah and said
'Durrah, durrah janganlah macam ni. baiklah dengan fatin, durrah.'
and then you went under the bed and said to me
'Fatin, fatin janganlah macam ni. baiklah dengan durrah, fatin'
and then we all hugged each other and went back to being on good terms again.
since then, if durrah and i fight, you would always be there to help us

i remember when we were just kids
and it was at night.
Pak Uda (durrah's dad) was telling us kids a ghost story at the balcony
Pak Uda: 'pada suatu hari... ada dua orang budak, namanya Durrah dengan Syara'
durrah: 'janganlah ayah!'
Pak Uda: 'lepas tu, diorang jalan masa tengah malam-malam buta'
syara: 'pak uda!'
Pak Uda: 'tengah jalan tu, terserempak dengan fatin, tapi sebenarnya fatin tu dah jadi zombie'
fatin: 'Pak Uda! tak yah lah!!'
Pak Uda: 'syara dengan durrah pun pergi dekat fatin, lepas tu fatin pegang tangan diorang dan nak gigit kepala durrah'
durrah: 'ayah!!!'
Pak Uda: 'akhirnya, fatin pun.... kentut'
kitorang: 'PAK UDA!!!!'

i remember walking up the hill with both of you,
we had to pass the old house yang dah roboh
as usual, we were scaredy-cats and ran for our lives to pass that creepy lane
at the end, we were huffing and puffing
like the three little pigs
wait, cross that. it was the wolf who blew the house down.

i remember when durrah hasn't come back to kampung yet,
so we took a walk up the hill together
we went farther than we thought, but kept on going while holding hands and singing songs together
macam kanak-kanak ribena.

the last time i met you was about 3 weeks ago
you slept over at my house to study together for PMR
it was the first time we did that, and it was so much fun
unfortunately, it was also the last time.

when i look at my bed, i see you and me, lying on the bed and talking about stuff, laughing and throwing mr teddy and pillows at each other

when i look at the study table,
i see two chairs instead of one,
and you're in one of them, while i was in the other
i was teaching you science, about respiration
you were so slow, trying to get what i was saying
and it took me a dictionary to translate english to bm

when i look at my bag, i see your bag next to it
it's filled with your pajama's in it
just lying there waiting for you to finish taking your bath.

when i look at the floor,
i see you lying on the bed under my mine.
we studied till we fell asleep
i slept first, then you did.
i woke up an hour later.
you were'nt used to the cold, so i turned off the air-cond
and put my blanket on top of yours.
i fell asleep afterwards.

but all these memories are just that.
memories.

since you're gone,
i will cherrish these memories
and i won't ever forget them.

syara, i'm sorry if i hurt you in any way
if i did, i hope you know how deeply i regret that

and i want to say that durrah and i miss you a lot
we will remember you everyday
we were always together
the three of us
but now, there's only two left
and nobody can replace you.

mimie syara,
i want to thank you with all my heart
for being such a wonderful cousin,
an awesome friend,
a great daughter
and the best sister i have ever had.

i will always love you.
forever and ever...